Yama, the younger and more athletic Bull, celebrates the New Year.

Hello fellow Bulls fans, and Happy New Year once again! I had planned on posting this particular blog this past Wednesday, as the first post of 2018, but found myself drowning in Tank thoughts. Now that I’ve written past some of those thoughts it’s time to resume our regularly scheduled program.

New Year Resolutions for our Favorite NBA Team

While riding the “El” to work one morning, I “found” a notebook on the seat next to me. To my great surprise, it was full of New Year resolutions made by the Bulls players and staff. I am excited to say the notebook contains a smattering of helpful habits and goals for each player and staff member, that, when practiced throughout 2018, should improve the team as a whole. Here’s some of what was in the notebook…

I resolve to improve my strength and low post play, while winning the all-star three point contest and the NBA Rookie of the Year award. – Lauri Markkanen

Lauri Approves

Defense, energy, these I have in spades. This year, I will add a reliable jump shot and learn to consistently finish my layups and dunks. – David Nwaba

I will continue mentoring the young players on the Bulls roster until I am traded to the Los Angeles Lakers, then I will mentor the young players on that roster (and lay waste to the many NBA mascots that dare taunt and ridicule me). – Robin Lopez


No longer will I force up dumb, contested shots from long distance. – Justin Holiday

As much fun as it is to bomb from three point range, I resolve this year to focus on play-making, the skill that brought me so much success in college, and the reason the Bulls drafted me to begin with. – Denzel Valentine

I will not throw the ball away. I will not throw the ball away. I will not throw the ball away. I will not throw the ball away. I will not throw the ball away… – Kris Dunn

Niko is a hero like Batman. Niko will have a statue of himself erected in front of the United Center, which will be moved to Boston when Niko is traded there. – Niko Mirotic

I will make positive contributions while on the court, and I will not pick up 3 fouls in the first 3 minutes of the limited playing time I get. – Paul Zipser

Ditto. – Cristiano Felicio

I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I dream about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away… – Zach Lavine

I will visit Disney theme parks more often. – Quincy Pondexter

Quincy Pondexter visits Disney World. Photo from

I will learn to pass the ball into the post. – Jerian Grant

If Niko is Batman, then call me Nightwing. – Bobby Portis

I will become a competent back up point guard, one that will pass the ball into the post. – Cameron Payne

The team will make the playoffs. The team will compete for the playoffs. The team will make huge strides throughout the season and be playoff ready next season. The team will tank. – Fred Hoiberg

Gar Forman shakes Fred Hoibergs hand. Collusion! Photo from

I resolve myself to finding the greatest basketball player of all time. On second thought, that might take some effort. Screw it! I’ll just trade for another point guard. – Gar Forman

This franchise will rise from the ashes of Derrick Rose like a phoenix! I will guide that phoenix to new heights, as the Bulls win championship after championship after championship. Unless of course a player gets hurt, in which case, it’s all their fault we haven’t won a championship since Jordan. I mean, you can’t foresee that devastating of an injury happening to a player like Derrick. But when that injury happens, you have to put everything on hold. So, we’re waiting on Derrick. – John Paxson

Yes, it certainly looks like our beloved Bulls are heading in the right direction. I can’t wait to see some of these resolutions put into practice. In the mean time, while we wait to see the effects of these excellent resolutions, let’s take a look at how the Bulls stack up against the rest of the NBA elite…

The Worst Records in the NBA:

1. Atlanta Hawks: 10-28 .263

2. Los Angeles Lakers: 11-27 .289

3. Orlando Magic: 12-28 .300

4. Memphis Grizzlies: 12-27 .308

5. Dallas Mavericks: 13-27 .325

7. Chicago Bulls: 14-26 .350